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8/19/2014 12:18 PM grooming • 0 Comments

Rich Men’s Leotards

What’s up with rich men and leotards? The other day I took a Flywheel class in East Hampton New York, a 45 to 60 minute indoor cycling experience that combines climbs and descents with weighted bars to work your arms.

 

I’d gone out the night before, so I was a bit tired. It was the kind of day that was just dragging on. As I was putting on my cycling shoes, I looked up and was suddenly being tea-bagged by a bunch of dudes in their mid to late-fifties. They’d just finished a class and they were all wearing leotards. I guess there’s such thing as a “cycling leotard” – but nevertheless, they were leotards. I was thinking, ‘What the fuck?’ All I see are three guys in leotards, and two of them were with their wives or girlfriends.

Okay but here’s the thing; I can understand if you’re about to ride in the Tour de France, but don’t you think it would be nice to spare the public from seeing your balls being hugged? Or better yet, why not wear a pair of loose shorts over the tights. Either way, unless you’re a competitive skier, cyclist, speed skater or track star – and you’ve passed a certain age – you shouldn’t freak out, annoy or disrupt mankind with your leotard.

 

For the sake of your balls you need to take certain precautions, such as soft saddles, padded pants and full suspension bikes. Make sure to get out of the saddle as often as possible. Taking these extra steps should reduce the pressure and shaking that hurts your testicles.

 

These precautions can even elevate sex hormone levels. A new study in the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research found that professional mountain bikers have lower testosterone levels than non-cyclists. Higher gonadal steroid levels impair the brain’s ability to produce the chemicals required for stimulating both sperm-producing and testosterone-producing hormones.

 

Why is that? There’s speculation that it has to do with a reduction in blood flow to the testes due to tight-fitting shorts, constant jostling, and sitting on the perineal region. This is also known as “microtrauma.” Less blood means fewer hormones.

As for attire, make sure your shorts have a chamois to protect your crotch, but avoid heavy padding or gel packs. The more padding you have, the more friction there’ll be.

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