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8/19/2014 12:15 PM grooming • 0 Comments

Level Up: The Vending Machine Uprising

The machines are getting smarter. The year: 2056, a post-apocalyptic world where vending machines stand amongst overgrown landscapes. Cause of human death: overeating and laziness. Vending machines are nothing new; they’ve been providing us with soda pop and crème filled sweets for decades. But they’re getting advanced in what and how they deliver. They might make us fatter, but at least vending machines require us to get out of our cars and move our legs and also still use some brain power to make a decision. For now they have one leg up (or metal claw, rather) on drive thrus, but perhaps it’s only a matter of time until there are drive thru vending machines.

 

Remove any hints of a human, add the awe inspiring clicks and whistles of machinery, and the workings of a vending machine can seem pretty wondrous. For all we know the machine is really a teleportation device bringing intergalactic goodness of divine cupcake sweetness right into our two little paws. From your Beat headphones to disposable underwear, sex toys and everything in between, you can find just about anything delivered in vending machine style. Not to mention the number of ways to sin from sex toys, to cigarettes, and the rush of lotto scratch offs – you could throw a hell of a party with the power of a vending machine.

 

Round 1 – ATL > LAX. Strolling through the airport, my attention drifts to what appears to be a glass structure. Flat screens rotating and advertisements paint the sides of this new age vending machine. Half of the space sells quality electronics, and as I look closer I notice grooming items for sale. I snag some Burt's Bees lip balm. I am a huge fan of grooming items being mad accessible to people on the go. Especially after a day of travel where we come in contact with so much dirt and grime in one shared space.

 

Round 2. Since I arrived in the land of LaLa I heard whispers of the elusive Sprinkles cupcake machine. It is open all night and if you journey on the first of the month you get the new variety. I knew at some point I would be making a late night pilgrimage to the cupcake machine. I imagined rows and rows of brightly dyed frosted tops and soft airy bottoms with toppings of every variety. It was amusing standing in line with all of the LA biddies who looked like they had gotten done up just for the occasion of being seen here. The Cupcake ATM is very easy to use, with a touch of the screen and a swipe of the credit card. Aside from the convenience charge the cupcake was fresh and delicious.

 

Round 3. After a few bars on Sunset, I walk into the WeHo supermart in search of something to fill my stomach. There it stood before me. With an illuminating screen radiating toward me and reaching up to the heavenly skies, a Burrito in a Box vending machine. I select a vegan brown rice burrito from the touch screen and swipe the credit. A perfect choice for this SNAG. Pretty tasty option in a quick easy to consume format.

 

TKO. Let this vending machine take you higher. Ok, ok, I have not tried it but there is a first ever marijuana vending machine. This pot is sure to pack a 1-2 punch and may cause repeat visits to the Cupcake ATM.

 

I cannot wait to see what comes next in the advancement of vending machine technology. We’ve seen Coca Cola get super innovative with their vending machines that utilize cameras and invite users to unite and share a Coke from different places in the world. If we are going to be lazy and eat food out of a vending machine then maybe we can still improve the way we interact with one another. I like it.

 

And perhaps someday we’ll make a documentary about traveling the country only living and eating out of vending machines. Until then we have weed and cupcakes.

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