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8/19/2014 12:16 PM grooming • 0 Comments

Coffee Shop Etiquette

We all abide by social rules and norms for behaving in society. So why should a coffee shop be any different? Sometimes it seems like all rules go out the door as soon as people step in line for a cup of java. Here are some tips for coffee shop etiquette PRZ style:

 

1. Know when it’s your turn.

Stop looking at your damn phone, OkCupid can wait. What? You think your email or text is going somewhere? “Oh, sorry, we in line had no idea that you’re running the country.” This is the biggest reason for a slow line.

 

2. Know how you want it.

By the time you get to the counter to order, you’ve been standing in line for 15 minutes. You decide that now is a good time read the damn drink menu!? We in NYC cannot deal with this behavior, however our counterparts in LA, seem to consistently act in this way. They move slow out west. Order your tall decaf soy mocha no whip one pump and be on your way.

 

3. Don’t be phone-y.

The rest of us in the coffee shop don’t need to hear your conversation with Aunt Mae, or your co-worker or when you’re calling into work and lying about being sick. Keep your voice down when you’re on the phone, and if you’re in sales and need to yell into your phone in an attempt to break a language barrier with some overseas manufacturer, well then go to your office or somewhere where we don’t have to hear your bullshit.

 

4. It’s not your corner office.

The coffee shop isn’t your office, which means don’t spread all of your crap everywhere so that no one else can share a table with you. We know a change in space and a little drip can really inspire work. But remember there are others who want to do the same, so leave some room for them. With this said, don’t be afraid to share space.

 

5. Too much of a great thing.

Those who are guilty of turning the coffee shop into their office, usually have not one cup of coffee but an F-ing tub or salad bowl with a handle. Yeah, you’re about to turn into the poster boy or girl for bad indigestion, acid reflux and brown teeth. How much caffeine do you need? These folks have a particular demeanor. Usually they look at you like: “Yeah I have a big coffee and belong here.” They refuse to acknowledge you peering over their computer screen. Next time you see this, just walk up and pretend as though you’re a punter for your local football team, punt the chair in front of them and smile. Suddenly you’ll notice that they’re opening space for you.

 

6. Don’t break up.

To those of you who chose the coffee shop to break up and who sit there while you both take turns crying and looking out the window, all the while taking up room and space, I have one thing to say to you: “Fuck you.” If I wanted to pollute my mind with reality TV, I would stay comfortably numb at home.

 

7. Or fall in love.

Also, we prefer not to see your slobbery, grotesque, overly sexual theatre kid make out session. For those of you who are looking at each other as if you’re at the altar, or all over each other on one of those couches that are actually pretty dirty, go get a room or go back to your apartment to snuggle and make out.

 

8. Finally, clean up your shit man.

It’s tough enough keeping my personal space at home clean, but now I have to clean up after you at my local coffee shop? Pick up your sugar packets, straws, and stirring sticks. If you’re using the honey, wipe it up man. If you open your eyes a little wider in your caffeine induced state you’ll notice the napkins placed conveniently next to the trash. Use them.

 

Can we adopt the espresso bar styles of Italian cafes? Seems like they’re onto something; a quick drink, a few minutes of chat and vroom speeding away on their vespas. Until then, be mindful of your fellow coffee shop goer, and tip your barista.

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