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4/7/2015 11:56 AM grooming • 0 Comments

The Cardinal Sins of Facial Hair

There's a lot of freedom in growing out your facial hair - a sense of connection to your forefathers who ventured boldly into the unknown, tamed the unruly wilderness and built civilizations with their bare hands. But your beard, like liberty in any society, can only thrive within a set of clearly established guidelines. Check out PRZMAN's Beards 101: Tips for Growing Your Beard, but first see the biggest facial hair faux pas you need to avoid like the plague below:

  • A dry dandruff-y beard: Treat the hair on your face the way you do the hair on your head. Moisturizing with beard oil is essential for keeping your facial hair soft, silky and free of dreaded beard-druff. Trust us, there's nothing worse than philosophically stroking your beard and unleashing a flurry of white flakes.

  • Grooming in public: There are few pleasures in life greater than taking a comb to your beard. If you don't have a beard comb, get one ASAP. Not only does it de-tangle your facial hair, it feels really damn good. Just resist the urge to whip this thing out in public. Yes, I've seen it done before. It's not as bad as clipping your nails on the train, but it's plenty bad.

  • The flavor-savor: Sometimes you want to take a snack on the road with you. Your beard should never be your mode of transportation. Getting stray bits of food stuck in your beard is nearly inevitable, unless you start rocking a beard-bib. Until they start marketing those, eat like you weren't raised by wolves and pick the cheerios out of your beard.

  • Being overly ironic: If you look like you should be playing the accordion at the 1855 World's Fair it's time to put away the mustache wax. When you're rocking crazy mutton chops, twirling your mustache or going full Gandalf, you've gone beyond personal style and entered the world of caricature.

  • The Chinstrap: The epitome of douchebaggery. Unequivocally.

  • Rampant neck hair: Unkempt. Gross. Scraggly. Nasty. Nausea-inducing. Pubescent. Ugh. The list of words to describe an unruly neckbeard is long. Balance is found between your jawline and your Adam's Apple; between the chinstrap and the neckbeard.

  • Getting too creative: The beauty of a beard lies in it's simplicity. Sometimes you just have to leave it alone. Stay away from dyes, from beads, from braids and any other form of decoration that would make you look like you just escaped Burning Man: Purgatory.

  • The Castaway: An out of control beard is the physical manifestation of an out of control life. If people hold their children close whenever you walk by or offer your change on the streets, you've crossed over into a dangerous territory. It's time to put down the beach ball and grab a pair of trimmers.

Just remember the golden rule: be good to your beard and your beard will be good to you.